


Best laid plans

by Tchell1



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Running Away, Secrets, protective!Illya, protective!gaby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 03:40:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4861628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tchell1/pseuds/Tchell1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The caller said “You have one week to gather all the information and leave. If you do not succeed, the jail still awaits you.” and then the call disconnected.</p><p>Napoleon put the phone down and started preparing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Best laid plans

When Napoleon first heard the news he was going to work for UNCLE, he was not pleased. He knew he still had five more years of his sentence and the CIA could do with him whatever they pleased. He would follow all the orders, he was a professional, after all. But that did not mean he had to like his predicament.

So, it was with a sardonic attitude that Napoleon teamed up with Illya Kuryakin and Gabriele Teller. Really, he was just expecting everything to blow up on their faces. There was no way the three of them would actually manage a successful partnership. They were a time bomb and Napoleon just wanted for them to not explode in the middle of a life-or-death situation.

Gaby Teller, however, had every intention of making the partnership work. She fought tooth and nail to make sure they could talk to each other in a civilized way; they might not like each other that much but they sure as hell would be good as a team. Gaby was a force to be reckoned with. Napoleon, who knew better than contradict her, would follow her lead. From what he could gather, Illya thought the same.

It was a surprise to every one when, by their third mission, they realized they actually enjoyed working together. Slowly, they started to understand one another. In the afternoons, when they had time, Illya would take out his chess board and would play against himself for hours and hours. To make herself calm while awaiting for any dangerous news, Gaby would dismantle and re-mantle whatever electronic device they had nearby. Napoleon cooked; when they stayed in a place for more than one week, usually the refrigerator would became packed. Neither Illya or Gaby complained.

By their sixth mission, Gaby had learned a few chess moves and could hold herself for at least twenty minutes before Illya would win the game. Napoleon had no problem in watching they play; he liked that he could cheer for both of them. He also had started learning enough about mechanics that he would have either a clock or a phone on his hands while trying to pull them apart. 

By the eighth mission, they were very familiar with each other. Gaby would not even blink when one of the boys would appear with their chest bare. The same could be said about the boys. Gaby could parade herself in just her underwear and they would just tell her to hurry up and get dressed. Napoleon and Gaby could spot one of Illya’s episodes minutes before they happened and had become masters in defusing Illya’s anger.

All in all, to the surprise of everyone, the trio was a success.

And, that of, course was when things started going downhill. Napoleon was very aware that he was living on borrowed time. He knew he would not be able to spend the rest of his life with both Gaby and Illya. CIA still had his leash and KGB still had Illya’s. It was a matter of time for the team to break apart. He just did not have the heart to tell that to Gaby, who seemed oblivious to the imminent disaster.

When CIA pulled him from UNCLE, they would probably demand Napoleon to share all the secrets he had learned and uncovered. Not only that, but having CIA’s best working in very close quarters with a Russian spy was their dream come true. CIA would wait until the very last moment before pulling Napoleon out. He hated that the was leashed and there was nothing he could do.

In any case, Napoleon was going to enjoy teasing Illya for all his Russian mannerisms and he was going to flirt shamelessly with Gaby and make the most of all the experience. He was collecting all the memories for the days that would come. 

___***___

It happened in a Tuesday. Napoleon remembers because Gaby had finally won her first chess game against Illya, even if the Russian had actually let her. He also remembers because it was the first time Napoleon looked at Illya, smiling so very satisfied at Gaby with so much happiness, and thought “Oh, no”. On that same day, he got a call from Sanders telling him to start getting ready and wait for next instructions.

Napoleon thanked whoever was listening that the call had come when he was alone in the room. He threw his glass of scotch against the wall and watched the liquid run down. He took two deep breaths and started thinking.

___***___

Long ago, when Napoleon had joined CIA, he had a conversation with Sanders that made it very clear that if Napoleon even thought of betraying CIA, they would have to take measures. No CIA spy could leave the agency with all the knowledge they had gathered. And Napoleon, in particular, was very good in gathering knowledge. 

The conversation also implied that Napoleon would not be the only one to suffer. Whoever was close to the spy when they decided to betray the agency would also suffer the consequences. CIA could not allow anyone involved leaking classified information.

On Napoleon’s particular situation, CIA was more than happy to make a Russian spy and a German handler pay for Napoleon’s betrayal. This, more than anything, convinced Napoleon that when the notice came, he would have to follow. He was good, but not even he would be able to stop the whole CIA.

 

___***___

Two more months passed without no notice of Sanders. During this time, Napoleon found himself getting more and more enamored with Illya. It wasn’t a fast fall. It was more like a continuation of what was already happening within their group. Illya was reliable and had a good heart and cared about him and Gaby so much. Napoleon had never felt something so strong for anyone.

Gaby figured out right after Napoleon himself. She had already felt the effects Illya had on everyone. Illya and Gaby had a very quick affair. They worked really well as friends but not so much as lovers. Gaby was in love with her new life and wanted to experience everything. Illya wanted stability. They knew they would not work. It did not stop them from trying.

By the end of their fling, they came out closer than before and with a different understanding. Illya and Gaby were almost mind connected. They anticipated the others need with uncanny precision. Napoleon would feel envy, but they never gave him reason to feel so.

So, when Gaby caught Napoleon alone watching Illya play with his father’s watch, she gave him a knowing smile and said: “You know he won’t do anything if you do not start it first, right?”. Napoleon pretended to not understand what Gaby was talking about, which, in turn, earned him a very unimpressed look.

The status quo did not change for two more months. And then, Napoleon received the dreaded call.

___***___

The Caller said “You have one week to gather all the information and leave. If you do not succeed, the jail still awaits you.” and then the call disconnected.

Napoleon put the phone down and started preparing.

___***___

The first two day was solely for data collection regarding UNCLE procedures and findings. It was so easy to invade UNCLE’s head quartets that Napoleon felt sorry for them. He opened all the safes and collected everything he could. He then, went to Waverly’s office and allowed himself a last look. Again, he was collecting every piece of memory he could, not for anyone, but for himself in all the lonely nights he would have afterwards.

At last, he left a single CIA card on the table. He knew Waverly would connect the dots pretty quickly, but there was nothing on CIA assignment that said he was not allowed to let UNCLE know what had happened. It was implicit, but it was not said. Napoleon would took every loop hole he could find.

He then, went back to his apartment to clean all the evidence he was ever there.

___***___

The next two days were about collecting all the evidence he could find on Gaby and Illya. He did not put all of his abilities in it, because, when it came to collecting data, he knew he was so much better then all the other CIA spies. So, all the deepest and darkest secrets that either his partners had would stay buried. He had enough respect for them to not do it.

Hidden in one of his safe houses, surrounded by secret papers and carrying a heavy heart, Napoleon started reading and assimilating everything he could about Illya and Gaby. The took the whole night and part of the next morning to do it, but by the end he was satisfied.

He then, proceeded to falsify each and every information on the documents in front of him. He was really good and the changes were subtle enough that they would not be noticed for a long time. As a thief, Napoleon knew that the trick was to hide the information in plain sign until no one realized the masterpiece was stolen.

By the end of the fifth day, Napoleon put a very specific trash bag in a very specific trash bin in a disregarded neighborhood in New York. He came, he delivered and he left.

___***___

The sixth day was the day Napoleon awaited the most. 

On the sixth day Napoleon arrived at a liquor store at eight in the morning, bought three bottles of scoth and two bottles of wine and proceed to get himself completely drunk.

Day sixth was the day Napoleon allowed himself to cry and cry for the things he would not have anymore. It was also the day he fantasied of a life with Illya as his partner in every sense of the world, Gaby, as always, was nearby and was watching out for them. 

He drank the five bottles and still it was not enough to quieten his heart.

___***___

Day seven found an hungover Napoleon ready to get back to his old life. He had his files on UNCLE in a hand bag and he had all his belongings in a suitcase. In a insubordinate display, he had left all his pans and his aprons at Illya’s. 

And then Illya broke the door and got inside Napoleon’s safe house; the house no one else should have known about.

“What are you doing, cowboy?” Illya asked as soon as he saw Napoleon.

And Napoleon had everything under control. He had rehearsed all the steps. He was going to leave and never look back. He was going to keep being CIA’s best and never ever would he think about Gaby and Illya. That was the plan and it was a good plan.

Napoleon’s hand started shaking.

“I-I have to go, Peril.” He said gathering both the hand bag and the suitcase. 

Illya crossed his arms and looked pretty much like an unbreakable wall.

“Where do you think you are going?” Illya asked exasperated “You left without any notice, you invaded Waverly’s office, you delivered a bag full of lies into a trash bin and now, you are going to disappear!” 

Napoleon could feel his walls crumbling down. Illya was right in front of him, looking as handsome and as noble as ever and all he wanted to do is throw himself into his arms.

“Get out of my sight, Illya. You know what is happening. I imagine sooner or later you will receive the same phone call I received.” Napoleon said and started walking towards the door.

Illya's eyes widened in understanding. He uncrossed his arms.

“They are calling you back. The damn CIA is calling you back.”

Napoleon threw his arms up in exasperation.

“Well, of course they are calling me back, Peril!! I’m their asset!! I do whatever they tell me to!” Napoleon shouted frustrated. Any minute now the CIA would appear and they could not find Illya in there. “Please leave. You really have to leave.”

Illya shook his head.

“You know they will not let you leave the CIA. You know once you give them the information, they will send you to a suicide mission. You know, that, Napoleon.” Illya said, his accent getting stronger “Why are you letting them do this to you?”

“Because they will kill you and Gaby!!” Napoleon said, tears running down his face. He let both bags fall on the ground and pressed his hands against his eyes. “Oh, god, Illya, I cannot let them get to you. I just can’t. You are too important”

Illya closed his arms around Napoleon. Like this, surrounded by all the Russian strength, Napoleon let the tears and the frustration appear in full force. His sobs were wrecking his whole body and he could not help it.

“What am I gonna do, Peril?” Napoleon asked between sobs “I don’t want to lose you”

Illya was making soothing sounds and caressing Napoleon’s head with one hand. With the other, he was crushing Napoleon to his body.

“You should have told me and Gaby. That is what you should have done, you idiot american.” Illya said in his most irritating Russian persona.

Napoleon laughed and shook his head. He raised his eyes and met Illya’s

“What were you going to do? You can’t go against CIA”

Illya smiled to him.

“Oh, I wasn’t going to do anything. Gaby, on the other hand, is very keen in keeping this team running”

Gaby Teller had just arrived on the safe house, Waverly very close by. Waverly’s eyes scanned the place in a very unimpressed way and then stopped in Illya and Napoleon. He sighed and looked to Gaby.

“Well, I have to admit.” Waverly started “Not even I would imagine you would forge official documents and deliver them to the CIA for the sole purpose of protecting your partners.”

Napoleon closed his eyes. Illya’s hug tightened around him. 

“Let him be, sir” he said to Waverly.

Waverly raised his hands in surrender.

“Oh, I’ll let him be. As soon as he tell me who was the person inside CIA that gave the order for him to invade UNCLE’s archive. Because, let me tell you gents, this is some international politics that you do not want to get involved.”

“It was Sanders.” Gaby said without a hint of hesitation. Napoleon gaped at her. “What? You do your job, I do mine. Mine involves not letting you do anything stupid.”

Napoleon could hear and feel Illya shaking with laughter.

Waverly clapped his hands.

“Well, then, if you excuse me. I need to start an international crises. Napoleon, get your things back to your apartment, will you?” and he turned around and left the house.

Only them, did Illya let go of Napoleon, who was not able to keep standing and sat down on the floor. Illya followed him and right afterwards, Gaby sat down as well.

“Are you okay?” Gaby asked, her hands gripping Napoleon’s arm.

Napoleon shook his head.

“I’m really not.” He closed his eyes and thought about an averted future without the two people he loved the most.

“Waverly will fix it” Gabyy said. “ You need to start trusting him as you trusts us, Napoleon”

Napoleon nodded. Gaby sighed and after a few seconds, Napoleon felt a different set of arms surround him.

“Do not ever do anything as stupid as that again. I cannot handle it. Illya cannot handle it.” She let go and gave him a quick kiss on his lips. “I need to go. Please, listen to Illya, ok?” and then she also left.

Napoleon turned his gaze to his partner, who took a deep breath.

“I don’t think I can return your pans. Nor can I return your aprons” Illya said dejected. Napoleon could only imagine what had happened to them. “But I promise I will buy you new ones. Better ones.”

Napoleon nodded.

“You really do not have to do anything for m-”

“When you disappeared,” Illya said interrupting Napoleon “I did not know what to do. I was a wreck. Gaby got me through the first days. She was the one that contacted Waverly. I was pretty much out of it. All I could think about is that I would never be able to see you again” he stopped to collect himself “I thought – I thought I had to go through all CIA and kill whoever was in my way to get you back. And even then, I did not know If I would arrive in time.”

“Illya, stop” – Napoleon said. This day was a roller coaster of emotions and he was still nursing a hangover.

“No, I will not stop! Let me finish and them you can talk.” Illya said. He got very close to Napoleon again “I thought you would be the one to make the first move. Given the circumstances, you’ll excuse me if I do it.” And kissed Napoleon.

Napoleon did not even think. He closed his arms around Illya's neck and held on. It was a desperate kiss, full of longing and promises and Napoleon did not want to ever let go.

Illya was the one to finish the kiss. He looked at Napoleon with his satisfied smile and stood up. He extended his hand to Napoleon.

“Come on, cowboy, let's go back home”

And Napoleon followed him.


End file.
